


To Live a Normal Life? How annoying!

by ScatteredStarlight413, Seerofscratch



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:33:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27245830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScatteredStarlight413/pseuds/ScatteredStarlight413, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seerofscratch/pseuds/Seerofscratch
Summary: They thought they'd won.They should've won.Theyfoughtto win.They did win.That doesn't mean the game's over.In a world after the ending, five gods fight for a world they didn't know they'd have to protect.And when half your day's spent fighting monsters from rifts, keeping a secret identity is waaaaaaaaaaay too much work.
Relationships: Jake English/Karkat Vantas, John Egbert/Dave Strider
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [09Pyros_09Hydros](https://archiveofourown.org/users/09Pyros_09Hydros/gifts).
  * Inspired by [To Live a Normal Life? How preposterous!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11470704) by [09Pyros_09Hydros](https://archiveofourown.org/users/09Pyros_09Hydros/pseuds/09Pyros_09Hydros). 



> SoS: Bear with me, I'm not a good writer.  
> SS: haha N-EIT)(-ER AM I  
> SS: let's make some magic

They're all battered and bruised, yet smiling anyways ,they had won the game that's tormented them for so so long.

This hellish game, that perpetually gets worse and worse, each passing minute, where happiness is merely ephemeral.

This game that takes the things people care about with no regard as to how they feel, and gives so little in turn.

They were all smiling and laughing as the door appeared, some even crying tears of joy.

They were finally free of this cursed place.

Or so they thought.

* * *

Dave wakes up groggily. He lies still for a moment before he remembers something. Wasn't he just somewhere else? He sits up and looks around.

Fuck, he's in his old room, his breathing goes quiet listening for any voice or footsteps or even cupboards opening.

His heart goes a mile a minute as a tight pressure in his head forms and two sets of memories simultaneously enter his head, making him feel like he's going to burst, his body feels like it's tightening and burning in hot flames.

He hears someone outside his room calling him, it doesn't sound like an adult, certainly not bro, he opens the door to Dirk standing there.

"Hey Dave." Dirk takes one look at him before his face forms into a frown.

"Hey bro, are you ok? You don't look too good."

Dave looks at him as if he's seen a ghost, his memory screams younger brother, Dirk's one of his brothers in this universe.

"I'll be fine Dirk," Dave mutters.

"Just got a small headache, it's nothing."

"Okay...hope you feel better soon."

With that Dirk leaves, guess he was just checking up on him. Dave doesn't question him, he's already got quite the headache .

When dirk leaves it only gets worse, his eyes sting like they got sprayed with pepper spray and every bone in his body feels like they're repeatedly breaking.

He goes onto his computer.

That doesn't look good.

He just remembered...Bro's alive in this timeline too...

* * *

John feels like the air is being sucked out of him, he's back in his old room, everything is the way he had it before the game.

He can smell baked goods coming from his kitchen, which sends him into a panic atrack, his father is supposed to be...supposed to be...he feels like crying, he can hear laughing from downstairs...he knows that laugh, it's Jane's, and he knows the sound of his father's voice. He feels like curling in on himself when there's a knock outside his window. It's Dave.

"Yo Egbert, let's go. Let's get you out of here for right now. "

John opens the window and jumps into him, Dave catching him easily.

Dave flies as fast as he can to where they need to go. It's mid flight when John's headache starts, and it feels like his head will explode.

It's not long before they land. Is this Rose's old house? Or lab? Same difference he guesses.

* * *

Roxy's legs feel jiggly and she has a wicked headache. It feels like her first hang over, she stumbles when she tries to get up, sue even ends up upchucking her lunch at some point. She feels terrible, and she's in a dimly lit lavish looking room. Her bed is soft which makes her want to lay back down and wait this out.

But she remembers something...the game!

She shoots up, her phone buzzes and she checks Pesterchum as fast as she can click the icon.

_Shit! That's not good._

* * *

Karkat feels weird pressures coming from everywhere, and yet not enough pressure in certain places.

In his confusion he moves his hands to feel where his horns should be, only he doesn't currently have any. He promptly flips his shit.

He's got no horns!

He takes his hand away and notices he's also got no sharp talons!

He reaches for his teeth. They're as blunt as Egbert's.

_No no no no no!_

Every fiber of his body screams both WHAT THE FUCK and DANGER DANGER DANGER.

He is thoroughly freaked the fuck ou.t

He needs to find out if the others are dealing with the same shit as him and fast!

* * *

Jake feels like every fiber of his body is going to explode. He wants to cry as his headache started out bad and only got worse and worse.

He grabs his head in pain, hears a laptop chime, and curiously opens it up.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened a memo [WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!]--

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] added turntechGodhead [TG]---

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] added ghostyTrickster [GT]--

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] added tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] added golgothasTerror [GT]--

CG: THANKS DAVE, NOW, EVERYONE WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? DID WE NOT WIN? IS THIS SOME KIND OF HELL, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! I'M WEIRD NOW, I DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY HORNS AND MY TALIONS AND TEETH AREN'T SHARP! WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING NOW?!

GT: my dad's alive, i missed him. but I have to agree with you karkat, wtf.

TG: yeah liek wtf! And whas up with our memries?

GT: Hi chums, everything feels very weird right now, can we all just go back to sleep and let our headaches pass?


	2. Annoyingly tired.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every has a long chat to figure out what the fuck their ganna do.

TG: i know jakey but hang in there! we all want to pass out, from what i hear especially our li'l windy boi, you doing ok johnny?

GT: i...have no idea. i don't know if this is some sort of joke the games playing on us or not. i mean, i guess i like the fact that i have family now, even my dad is back, but I mean, my dad is back and I was just starting to accept he was....gone.

TG: i'm sorry johnny, are you gonna be ok?

GT: i don't know, we'll have to wait and see.

GT: I feel like im on fire! I can hear jade and...an older gentleman downstairs my head is telling me grandpa harley.

CG: YES YES YES PLEASE CATCH UP ON MEANINGLESS SHIT WHILE NOTHING TRULY IMPORTANT IS GOING ON, OH EXCEPT YOU KNOW, ME SEEMINGLY CHANGING SPECIES EVERYONE HAVING THEIR FAMILY BACK, WE STILL HAVING OUR POWERS AND EVERYTHING ELSE!

TG: yo dude we still have powers? howd you know

CG: FUTURE DAVE SHOWED UP AND TOLD ME WHO'S ALL IN THE SAME BOAT AS ME, SO IT'S JUST US, I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT SHOW IS HAPPINING, I JUST WANTED THINGS TO BE RELATIVELY NORMAL, BUT NOW I'M....HUMAN? IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL YOUR MEASLY SPECIES THAT CANT EVEN DEFEND THEMSELVES FROM LOWLY CREATURES ATTACKING THEM? THIS IS REALLY GOING TO SUCK.

TG: yes thats what our species is called i didn't name us so like don't even look to me look to the weird as fuck scientists

GT: Karkat chum are you doing ok? Should you maybe get some rest? I understand completely how you feel i just want to go back to the island but no i live in some city now! I know this because I can hear the cars outside our house it sounds like a busy road.

CG: FUCK NO I WON'T BE FINE! HAVE YOU ALL SEEN YOURSELVES IN A MIRROR, YOUR FACES LOOK WEIRD AND SMOOTH, LIKE A FRESHLY PUPATED GRUB, GROW AN UNNECESSARY AMOUNT OF HAIR AND YOU GET WEIRD PAINFUL RED MARKS ON YOUR FACE AT RANDOM, I DONT WANT TO BE HUMAN I JUST WANT TO BE A TROLL!

TG: it sounds like hes not taking it well, karkat why dont we get you outta that house for the time being, i think davey already went to get john, he shouldnt have any problems getting you.

CG: HE SAID I HAVE TO STAY HERE FOR THE TIME BEING, HE'S APPARENTLY COMPLETING ANOTHER TIMELOOP, WHICH I FIND REALLY FUCKING STUPID. BY THE WAY, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING!

\--FUTURE turntechGodhead responded to memo--

FTG: im getting everything and everyone set up for whats to come in the future now shut up and be thankful that im going through all this unnecessary shit so youll all be better off

TG: are you from a doomed timeline

FTG: yes and I have to do everything within my power to help you all before the timeline notices I'm here and promptly offs me

TG: ...............

GT: Thanks chum! I don't know what happened but this tells me your sacrificing yourself so a different versions of you and your friends have a better time dealing with whatever your group was facing. Are you ok?

FTG: honestly no I'm marching to my death at record pace and speed but my job is almost done

GT: ...i'm sorry that you have to go through this.

FTG: it doesnt matter at the end of the day i was doomed from the moment i woke up in my timeline i hope this time death can bring me peace 

FTG: annnd done goodbye

\--FUTURE turntechGodhead disconnected!--

GT: that was...heavy, are you ok dave?

TG: I think I'll be ok 

TG: it sounds like he dealt with some pretty bad stuff in his timeline, so much stuff that he wanted death to take him 

TG: I wonder how bad it must have been for a version of me to openly admit they want to die...

GT: are you going to be ok?

TG: yeah 

TG: at least I don't have to see the body 

TG: but ill eventually have to figure out where he dies...or probably not 

TG: gog im tired

GT: Mighty right mate we're all tired but are you sure youll be alright chum? Were always here to talk!

TG: I'm sure 

TG: ... 

TG: just realized im only 15 

GT: i'm 14.

TG: fk I think I'm a full 18.

CG:17

GT: Im a whopping 19 mates!

TG:so jakey is the oldest of us.

GT:don't even think about asking me to lead!

CG:THATS A JOB FOR EGBERT.

TG: as karkat said.

TG: ehhhhh worth a try.

CG: WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WANT JAKE TO LEAD? SURE, HE'S POWERFUL, BUT HE'S GOT LITTLE TO NO EXPERIENCE..

TG: i don't know, just felt liek he'd be good at it!

* * *

As their coming to a finish with their chat, John leans back into his office chair, smiling at his friends, and the fact that no matter what happens, they're in this together. Suddenly, the sky over John's neighborhood starts to grow overcast, grey clouds swirling over the blue, and a cracking sound can be heard, louder and louder, as a darkly glowing black line weaves through the sky, until there's a loud popping noise, and it-snaps. Then everything goes to shit.

Suddenly, underlings from the game come pouring out fast from the rift in the clouds, and in numbers. Thankfully, it's just the basic imps for now.

John and Dave appear with a whisper of wind and begin defending the neighborhood, their faces set in an annoyed scowl.

There are three people in the Egbert house hold: Jane, Jack, and Joe, they had no idea where John went but they didn't pay attention to it, they figured he just went for a walk down the street.

They all freak out when they see the imps outside, Joe tells Jane to hide as he finds a weapon for himself and Jack, but they end up not having to fight as familiar teenagers end up throwing themselves into the fight, with a blue clothed boy leading them.

They seem to have powers... Jack and Joe look at each other in confusion, they seem familiar but they can't quite place them.

Outside John slams down a hammer on the first imp's head and it pops before exploding into grist.

"This is...just like the game, I guess we really are still playing."

"Don't get lost in thought john that's the last thing we need, just focus on turning these things into grist." Dave swings his sword so fast that an imp's head is visibly chopped off before turning into grist.

Roxy is taking them down from afar with her rifle alongside Jake, and Karkat is with John and Dave focusing on an up close fight with a larger group of imps.

Karkat frowns. "These fuckers may not be powerful, but they're driving me crazy. Motif?"

Dave shrugs, and responds, "Fuck it, why not."

Karkat and Dave float up and narrow their eyes, bending Blood and Time to their will to take down the underlings. There's a flare of two shades of red, one brighter than the other, and for a split second the grey clouds part and a glowing beam of light shoots from the sky, utterly devastating the duo's enemies.

Nearly every imp evaporates with Karkat and Dave's final attack, and they leave behind tiny piles of grist, of a few more common varieties. John hums, realizing that without an alchemiter, there's not much they can do with it. The five of them swoop down and collect every crystalline hexagon they can see.

"How are we going to close that rift?" Roxy points up to the dark gash in the sky.

John and Dave shrug while Jake starts shooting it, which, unsurprisingly, does absolutely nothing.

While they're doing all this a group of reporters from the news, eager to catch the first real superheroes of the world, is recording the pajamaed kids. They're totally unmasked, unhidden, and the images are clear, people should full well know who they are...

Yet later everyone will deny it's them, their families will think these are some other teens.

It seems the rift has stopped leaking out underlings, and started slowly closing. They finish up, and by the time they kill the last imp the rift is fully closed.

"That was...... really easy? I expected that to be harder," says Roxy.

They all look towards Dave and nod, guess they won't have to worry too much. Dave shrugs. "We'll see. I have a feeling that this is just the beginning..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sos: here I go writing again! Someone stop me!  
> SS: ...look i got no idea what this person is up to. so if this chapter is...LESS WELL EDITED, that's why.  
> SS: just. next chapter will be betta. i promise.

You wake up in a cold sweat, not the first nightmare you've had, you find it weird you can never seem to quite remember them, the only thing you can remember for any of them is a sword stuck in someone's chest.  
It's not the time to worry about that though, today's a new day, which means another sucky day of work.  
You never look forward to this.

You get up out of bed groggily, when your standing you stretch your muscles and allow your bones to pop.  
Time to throw on some clothes for today, one good part about your current job is they allow you to wear pretty much anything.  
Simple skinny jeans and an orange shirt will do, you make your way to the closest and gather your desired items, socks, crocs, pants, and a shirt. After that, you make your way to the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day.  
Why do you always forget your name in the morning?

  
YOUR NAME IS===> Demyan Sylos.  
At least you remember your name today, sometimes your memory is really bad, that's just an unfortunate side effect of getting older. Luckily you don't need your brain for your job, or at least that's how they view it, and honestly, you don't think they're wrong.  
You work as a bodyguard for a bar in Petrovka, Ulitsa.  
It's not that difficult of a job, makes a fairly decent amount of money, and your bosses like you, your one of the few people that can do your job correctly.  
You take your shower quickly as to not waste water and quickly get ready as to not waste time.  
Your out of the door within ten minutes of waking up.  
You get in your shitty but trusted twenty-year-old car and begin your journey to work.  
Somethings bugging you about today though, you can't quite place it but your instincts are going haywire, your body feels like it just went into a fight or flight state, you're on edge. If theirs one thing you've always been good at it's that you always have perfect instincts, it's always been the best part of you, landed you in the Russian armed forces back in your hay day. You've met Putin exactly once, nice man.  
Back to the point, you have a sudden feeling to jump out of your car, and that's exactly what you do by the time you're going 80 kph.  
That's going to leave one hell of a big mark, you'll worry about that later though, right now, your more worried about the fact your car just fucking exploded.  
Any later and you'd be a man that tells no tales.  
Looks like you'll have to call your boss, this probably won't be pretty, but your sure your too good at your job to be fired.  
AMVROSIY I CAN'T COME THE FUCK INTO WORK.  
You hate the fact you need to yell into this shitty phone for him to hear anything.  
MY CAR WAS FUCKING BOMBED.  
and there goes another train on the (overpass?)  
This day sucks, at least it's not a carbon copy of doing the same routines every day.  
Your conversation with your boss goes on for a minute, long story short you still have a job, and the Russian armed forces are going to figure out what happened. You'll be a top priority case to them, days like these your glad you got into the armed forces, cars going to be hard to replaced, had the fucker for years.  
You drag your sorry ass to a restaurant not far from where your car exploded. You order borscht, a simple enough meal to enjoy.  
You watch the tv as it reports on something from American?  
It's in English and those accents definitely sound American, it looks like something straight out of a comic book that almost makes you laugh, if you're translating this right it happened in...Washington?  
Something about a rift.  
Real superhero ends up catching your attention, they have a very clear shot of said superheroes, this is so fucking fake that you actually do end up laughing. As if that'd ever happen.  
You watch anyways because this seems really interesting, the superheroes kind of look familiar though, one has an all-red suit with a cog?  
You feel a sense of familiarity from him, his sword also looks familiar. You've also got to give him credit for his sword, that thing looks awesome.  
Theirs a few other heroes too, none of which are interesting to you, other than their apparent powers, red suit guy is something to do with time, yellow suit guy is something to do with hope? That's a weird one, the second red suit guy looks to have blood manipulation powers, and the two others are wind and void.  
Interesting combination of powers, to say the least. You finish your borscht and go on your way, might as well go back home, maybe you'll look this hero business up, now that your curiosity is peaked you have to look them up, hope the info isn't all classified.  
You finally get back to your house after an hour and call a few people. The first order of business is finding out if the military has found any leads from the wreckage, second, see about getting a new car, and last is looking into these supposed superheroes.  
The military might have a lead, nothing solid though, you'll be able to get your car replaced by next week.  
You rummage around for your old military laptop, it's been forever since you booted it up, it takes about a minute for it to fully boot, once it does you start searching for these superheroes, you find multiple articles on the topic.  
"The aspect, friend or enemy?"  
"The aspects amazing powers!"  
"Real-life superheroes!"  
The list goes on and on, you read through a few of them, you're convinced that this is just a hoax that some street gang is trying to pull off, the armed forces are going to have a field day taking care of that.  
By the time your done reading it's actually been a few hours, then you suddenly get a call.  
"Hello is this Demyan Sylos?"  
"Yes, what businesses do you have with me?"  
"Hello, we're calling you about a mission, the operation is strictly classified, can you come to your nearest armed forces deployment center?"  
"Yes ma'am I'll be on my way"  
The line abruptly cuts off, it's been quite a while since the forces have called you in for anything, let alone a mission. who knows, this might be interesting.  
You assume they want you there as soon as possible, man you might not be able to get any sleep tonight, oh well, you've gone longer without sleep before.  
When on missions you used to leave a series of booby traps around your house, starting from the door with a few simple ones, ranging from a piece of paper in the door to leaving your keyhole just slightly turned, not enough for people other than you to know it's turned but just enough.  
And the major ones are to make sure your house goes up in flames in case someone gets through all the other traps.  
You'd rather sensitive information not get out to the public, especially the type that you can "disappear" for.  
You get your house set up preparing to be gone for a while, you know how these missions work.  
After about twenty minutes of setting everything up you're finally ready, time to go you guess.  
You have made your way to the help desk of the nearest center.  
"Sir what's your name and business."  
"Demyan Sylos, mission, no details were discussed over the phone."  
"Hold on for a minute."  
The clerk searches through his computer files.  
"Oh, alright there you are, someone will be coming to get you shortly."  
You end up having to wait ten minutes before a van pulls up outside.  
People greet you and put a sack over your head, a common procedure for black ops missions.  
They take you to a facility not far from the center.  
The sack comes off your head and Putin himself greets you.  
"Greetings comrade, I have a mission for you personally, sorry about the sudden call."  
"...comrade" you can simply salute.  
"No need for salutations currently, I'm here to discuss your mission, have you heard of so-called superheroes recently?"  
"I laughed at something on the news related to superheroes, because like, superheroes are incredibly fake, it makes no sense for the world to suddenly have superheroes and the concept of real-life superheroes is ridiculous in of itself."  
"Hahahahah, I like your spirit comrade, are you hungry?"  
"It's been a few hours since I ate."  
"Demetri get this man some kasha!"  
Someone does in fact bring you something to eat, you thought he might have been joking, it tastes like home, you'll have to thank the chef.  
"Your mission is of the utmost importance of national security, let's get this out of the way, those superheroes do exist, in one way or another, we want you to travel to America and document your findings on them, they serve as a potential threat to our glorious country comrade, even if you don't believe in myths and legends we still want you to travel to the Americas, you can count it as a country paid vacation."  
"A paid vacation does sound good, what information are you trying to dig up? Anything specific?"  
"We want you to find evidence of experiments, the kind that would give children superpowers."  
"That seems on par with the mission, why do you want me."  
"Because your an aging and retired man, no one would suspect you."  
"So I'm assuming I'll receive a more English sounding name?"  
"Well yes, but we'll get to that in a minute."  
He waves to someone in the corner of the room  
"This is Gavriil, he'll teach you the basics of English, assuming you're a bit rusty in the English department."  
Well, Putin's nothing if not prepared.  
You simply nod at him.  
"Your mission starts in two weeks, good luck comrade, oh, and your new name, it's David Sweeve"  
With that Putin walks off leaving you and a few other people to your own devices, guess  
This is going to be a long two weeks.


End file.
